it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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