Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
