I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize