I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
