Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
