im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
