I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
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I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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