I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do herpes really smell.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
