I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
