he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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