I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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