Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
