Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
