after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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