I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
