we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
