Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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