You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
