3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize