The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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