maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
