im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize