Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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