I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just google imaged poop.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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