Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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