Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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