Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
