I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize