So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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