I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
