Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
