i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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