I'm lost and stupid without you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
