I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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