he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
