She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
