Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
