And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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