Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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