Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
