Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
