I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
