Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
