i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
