We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
