they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
