i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
