Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I want her autograph on my taint
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
