Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
