two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize