Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
