he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
