No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
