I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He did a backflip because drugs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
