do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
