Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
