My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
