you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
