Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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